The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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