Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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