My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
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