All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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