hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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