My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
