I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
