Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
