well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
