Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
