i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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