Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
