I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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