Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
