It's a beautiful day for a hangover
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
