Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
My vagina just clenched in fear
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
