i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
