i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
