she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
