I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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