I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
did i just pee glitter
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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