Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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