sarcasm needs its own font
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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