I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
