Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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