I'm pants shitting drunk right now
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
