I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
