I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
