Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
