And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
