You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
