a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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