why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
