Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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