dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
He has the fingertips of a God
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
