Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
