You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
