Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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