is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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