How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
