where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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