i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
