When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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