Soap is not a condiment
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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