id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
