He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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