perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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