Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He better not be in your backpack
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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