I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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