my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
