I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
this just has baby written all over it
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Randomize
