absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
